The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
