Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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