Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
