Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
