I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
