Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
