All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
