He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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