I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
