I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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