You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
