***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
