who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize