Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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