New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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