Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
