My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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