you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
