my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
