Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
BRING THE BAGELS
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
