Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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