Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
