I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize