My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
