I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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