He is an equal opportunity slut.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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