what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think I am morally bankrupt
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
