We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
