im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
