I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
