Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
