Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
