WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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