8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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