So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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