My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
