You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
