My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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