Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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