Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Randomize
