everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
