you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
