The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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