he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
