drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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