so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We had to coat check the pizza.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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