I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
