i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How's work?
Spinning.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
