where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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