the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
worst night to have a conscience
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
