careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
