Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm bleeding and have questions
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
