My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
