Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
