Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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