i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
