woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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