Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
