i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Hippo gnu deer
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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