Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize