Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Mom said you looked used
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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