Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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