i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
