So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
