but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
